When I set out on this journey I was not well travelled. I had a small amount of real cultural experience but I had a plan to start creating a better life for myself and in turn make me a fuller, kinder, happier person. I didn’t know that it would lead me down this path.
Before I came to South East Asia I was spending time on some aspects of myself I didn’t like. I undertook anger management in a few forms, various hypnotherapy techniques and yoga. I got passionate about science over the last few years and I gained knowledge of the universe that has given me spirituality. I am not always as content as I’d like to be and I don't always project the person that I am inside. I've always had a restlessness in me.
There are a lot of things I like about me (you might have heard me mention!) but the bad things outweigh those too often. I know a lot of people have gone through big personal changes in their lives and I am asking to hear your stories. There are various ways of tackling these self-depreciating issues and I want to share what I have found.
Recently, on a beautiful island paradise off Cambodia a friend gave me a book on Vipassana meditation as taught by S.N Goenka. In it’s essence it is a non-sect type of practice based on the Buddha's Dhamma that can lead to removing suffering from your life.
I am always experiencing the peaks and troughs of life. Over the years I have been through a lot of a big ups followed by one (or many) downs. These are not always my fault but how I deal with them, regardless of the circumstance is my responsibility. I hope to find people that relate with this journey, some who could offer advice and hopefully in turn I can inspire people to make a change in their lives, to remove some negativity and flourish in that. It should do us a lot of good.
Everyone is walking their own path. I know I’ve disturbed many in my time. I want to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone I’ve wronged. For the insignificant and monumental mistakes I am truly sorry. I’m doing the searching, removing the whys and why nots and seeing things as they really are. When I remove the circumstances around an issue and I see that there is only negativity then I am doing wrong. There is harm being done to myself and someone else and that is suffering.
The Buddha says that you need to experience things first hand. Chalking up the experience, good and bad allows you to make a a real decision. It is the choices that we make that allow us to observe ourselves and it is these observations, seen without a reaction that will allow us to be free of suffering. Reacting only makes us crave or hide from something and so you have a fight going on inside your mind that will not allow you to be free.
There are times when I am surprised by how much I will sacrifice for others; usually on retrospect. But there are also times when I am so distant from trouble I have caused that I cannot gauge the effects. Today I am saying yes, I have fucked up in my life. I am not perfect and I am changing day by day and I hope to make the good parts of me thrive.
Reading into astrophysics and quantum mechanics (in strictly layman's terms) blows my mind on a daily basis. And how much we know we don't know puts me in awe of how far we have come as a species. We are animals. Thinking about the big (and unbelievably tiny) stuff has given me an inclination of how small we are within this universe. I cannot actually comprehend how small: everything is a universe in itself.
Reading about the history of Homo Sapiens helped me understand how much civilisation has been destroying itself by focusing on the immaterial and material aspects of existence. I’m finding the reading about Vipassana and focusing on the realities of life so exhilarating. And by doing so I am giving myself better tools to have faith in me, my path and my capabilities. This is the reason I am sharing with you, everyone can do it. I'm nowhere near enlightenment, I haven't done the course yet. I just became aware of how to make real change within and that insight has benefitted me greatly already.
Nothing stays still, nothing is constant. From two atoms in any of your cells to your perspective on any given topic. All is subject to change. This is I think, the most important aspect of life as a conscious being. We are at a pinnacle moment in human history. I am at a pinnacle moment in my lifetime and we have the ability to change our fortunes more easily now than at any other time in human existence. I urge you to make a change today no matter how big or small.
Time is the juxtaposition to change. It is linear at our level. That arrow won’t change direction, or even fluctuate for us. Time is the most precious resource we have, it isn’t replenishable. It cannot be returned. We know that but how many of us stop for a moment to think how much of it we waste? On meaningless or negative things. On things that aren’t fruitful or helpful to ourselves or others. I urge everyone to get an idea of how you can have positiveness in your life. Do it now and then act on it as soon as possible.
Thank you, for my experience wouldn’t have been the same without every person I’ve ever encountered. Thank you for teaching me something, everyone influences in some way. We can’t go through life without interacting with all the vibrations so thanks to everyone on the same frequency.
If you want to share your story I’d love to hear about it, feel free to comment or message me on any of my social channels or email.
Thank you for reading.